April 26, 2016, Dick
Episode 102 Transcript
courtesy of Megan Pennock
and Laurie F.
| Mosquitoes ||962|
| Helicopter Parents ||553|
| Job Lynch Mobs ||553|
In this exciting episode, Maddox gets chewed out by a real Pokemon master, Sean deletes a coffee, and I forget to read an erotic story that's so good, you need a week to prepare for it. So wash the chili off of your sheets and get ready for another Biggest Problem in the Universe.
Special thanks to Harry's for sponsoring this episode. Go to harrys.com/biggestproblems
to get $5 off your first purchase.
Do you have kids? If you do, chances are you're doing it wrong, and we'll tell you exactly how. Maddox brings Helicopter Parenting, the phenomenon of over-parenting your children, thereby stunting their growth and leaving them unable to cope with life as adults. Did your mom do your laundry? Then she probably turned you into an entitled, narcissistic, additional buzzword about millenials [or passive-aggressive dig against millenials, like adults living with their parents -Maddox]
, who can't even shit without looking up how to do it on YouTube first. Who do these helicopter parents think they are? Do they think they live in a world where more than 15% of children are victims of sexual assault? They are and they do. Go vote up first time child experts.
[Maddox Power Paragraph:]
Yeah so about those sexual abuse statistics. Want to prevent child sexual abuse? Let them wander off to your neighbor's house, because your child is 200% less likely to get molested by a neighbor than they are sitting right at home:
BOOM. The biggest threat to children being molested are their own families. You're better off letting them play unsupervised in your back yard, where they may encounter more scraped elbows, but 100% less grabby parents (vote up families). Suggesting that "helicopter parenting" will prevent child abuse is like suggesting militarized police will prevent police abuse. Vote up everything.
I bring in The Job Lynch Mob. It's one part thought-crime, another part outrage porn, shaken not stirred by ten thousand loudmouths with too much time and too little control in their hands. To listeners, I ask the question: can you think of a tweet that's so offensive it should cost someone their job? You personally. If you can, vote it down. To me, opinions are like assholes. I want a good, long look at all of them-especially the gross ones.
Maddox ends the episode with another kind of hovering annoyance: Mosquitos. Easily the biggest problem on this list, mosquitoes are responsible for hundreds of thousands of deaths every year, the spread of dangerous diseases, and worst of all, waking me up buzzing in my fucking ear like they own the place. Maddox claims we have the technology to end this menace once and for all, but it's being waylaid by something called "ethics". Go vote those up.
By the way, for those of you who love a good stats, here's the graph I mentioned that charts out each drugs harmfulness:
Thumbnail courtesy of the incredible Clay Rodery
, Illustrator. http://www.clayrodery.com/
Maastricht University - Drug chart
Parents.com - What is helicopter parenting?
PsychologyToday - Helicopter parenting is worse than you think
KSL.com - From latchkey kids to helicopter parents of today
National Geographic - Over half a million people die every year from Mosquitoes
Oxitec.com - A clever approach towards eradicating mosquitoes