Episode 81

December 1, 2015, Maddox

Episode 81 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster

Not Enough Organ Donors 2124
Human Driving Directions 1160
Superhero Obsession 463
Lines 288

It's your old pal Dick again, back in the saddle with a post full of yucks and a pen full of is.

Several people felt the stupefying sting of a stumping last week: Penn Jillette, Marc Maron, show producer Randy; but guess who wasn't among them? That's right, the man with the sculpted mane, the jork from New York, the big papa with his name on his choppa. He makes his ties in China and his deals in gold. He's loud, he draws a crowd, and he's vowed to build a big beautiful wall so the illegals can't see it at all. The chairman and president of the Big Swingin Dick Organization. He's hard on China, he's hard on Japan, he's hard on his hot ass wife and you better be too. He'll clown you on stage and he'll bully you on the page-of Twitter. He's the prick with the rhetoric who loves bankruptcies, Muslim registries, and making fun of disabilities. You cannot interrupt him, you cannot stump him, the GOP cannot dump him, the flaxen haired god with the ten billion dollar rod who will make America great again: Donald J Trump. The J stands for "Can't Be Stumped".

Special thanks to Harry's for sponsoring this episode. Go to Harry's website and use the promo code "BIGGESTPROBLEM" when checking out to get $5 off your first purchase. And thanks to Harry's and our listeners for supporting this show for the rest of the year.

In all seriousness, if you bought into the Muslim ID badge hysteria, beware of emails from Nigerian princes promising you cash prizes if you send them a picture of your asshole. You're fired.

Maddox Edit: I didn't have time to get to it in this episode, but if anyone's on the fence about Syrian refugees, this is the best video I've seen about it. It's only about 5 minutes long and no matter what you think about the Syrian refugee crisis, I'd be curious to hear comments after watching this video. Although I suspect the people who need to watch it the most are least likely to, but if you think your beliefs can stand up to scrutiny, I challenge you to watch this video:

Note: The video is panned weird to avoid automated YouTube DMCA bans.

Update: Unrelated, but listener Jeff Johnson posted this video which is too awesome not to share:


This week, Maddox brings in Superhero Worship, probably because he's jealous of all the attention they get. He then proposes a Batman-esque, vigilante solution for the problem of lines: cut. Line-Cutting Man, faster than a dipshit reading their cell phone, more powerful than a sign that says "WAIT HERE", with the ability to fuck-over a hundred civilized people patiently waiting their turn in the single bound. Line-Cutting Man may not be the hero the airport deserves, but he's definitely the hero who deserves to be kicked in the nards.

I bring in a story of gun fever that starts with human driving directions and ends in failure on multiple fronts. Maddox takes a trip to Area 51 to look at a fence, and show transcriber Laurie Foster sends us a government so small it fits in a spaghetti jar. Is that small enough for me, your average vaccine-hating libertarian? Find out in this episode. Also, check out Laurie's comic, Super. Laurie calls it "The Venture Bros" meets "Astro City". I can't vouch for that, but I do know it has a better rating than my book on Amazon. Here's a picture of a government so small you can barely see it:

Finally, listener Sam Jacobs needs a kidney. If you have one to spare, let her know (AB-neg). Maddox's kidneys are too powerful for a normal human and I'm pretty sure I don't have any.

Incredible thumbnail courtesy of Ali Hassanein Instagram - https://instagram.com/alihassanein

Sources: Organdonor.gov - www.organdonor.gov : If you're too lazy to Google this on your own, no one's holding their breath. Mayo Clinic - Organ Donor Myths : Sean's concerns are covered. Mine and Maddox's are not. KidneyRegistry.org - Kidney Registry : And you thought Human Centipede was gross. Wikipedia - List of American superhero films KQED - Why are we so obsessed with superheroes?