Perfectionism	1440
People Who Complain About Being Cold All The Time	670
Forest Fires	287
See All the Problems...

This week, idiots who are too hot and idiots who are too cold. I bring in a problem and a potential solution to that problem in the same episode (though still a problem in its own right). Dick and Sean walked right into my trap that I baited them with this episode.

Plus, we reveal that Shifty Sean actually did bring in a problem for our 1-year-anniversary, but the problem mysteriously got deleted. Who could have done it? What happened? We’ll find out soon enough…

Special thanks to Harry’s for sponsoring this episode. Use the promo code “BIGGESTPROBLEM” for $5 off your first purchase.

In case you missed the announcement last episode, here’s the book announcement. Thumbnail Credit: Jack Tubbs

Sources:
WildfireToday – Some surprisingly robust statistics about forest fires
FEMA – Some cool deathly statistics about forest fires.

The post Episode 54 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe.

Bad Blowjobs	1212
Psychics	1191
Automatic Sensors	699
See All the Problems...

This week we’re joined by the very funny and badass, Ron Babcock. His Instagram account, @heyron, has some of the best tour photos I’ve ever seen. Here’s one of my favorite sketches Ron has done:

Last episode lured a lot of armchair economists out of the woodwork, and everyone except for me and a few critical thinkers in the comments section turned out to be idiots. Ironically, the care package we received last episode with the broken bottles turned out to be way more valuable than had those bottles shown up intact. Maddox: 1, Economists: 0 (forever).

Speaking of psychics, I didn’t have time to mention it on the show, but in 2011 a psychic claimed to have a vision about a mass grave in Texas, which caused police to search an innocent couple’s property while the FBI, police dogs and helicopters buzzed overhead, which caused their neighbors to think they might be murderers. The psychic turned out to be wrong (gasp).

This week’s sponsor is our own bonus episode, thanks for supporting our show: Bonus Episode 7

In case you missed the announcement last episode, here’s the big news: I’m writing a new book. Thumbnail credit: All me

And finally, the closing song, “Maddoxnomics”, by Robert Araujo.

Sources:
Discovery – Fake predictions by fake psychics cause real damage to real people
Caltech – Tangshan Earthquake shits all over the broken window fallacy: p. 852, “A contract system in which the building funds came from future profits and tax relief.”

The post Episode 53 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe.

Armchair Economists	678
Bicyclers	-29
See All the Problems...

Our big 1 year anniversary episode! And my big announcement is finally here:

Click here or go to hell

Here’s the hilarious song by @BandWagonBedlam:

And Bags of Sand by Christopher Strand

Want to support our show? Special thanks to Harry’s for sponsoring this episode. Use the promo code “BIGGESTPROBLEM” (or just click on the link) for $5 off your first purchase.

And here are all the pictures from the Butt Sanchez package:

Special thanks to @Reverend_Scott and Andy McKee for the song at the end. Make sure to listen past the closing theme song.

Thumbnail credit: Jack Tubbs

And in case my website goes down due to traffic, here’s a direct link to the sign-up form: sign up here.

Sources:
About – The busted broken window fallacy
Investopedia – The broken window fallacy in more detail
Expert Reviews – Some of the technology and industries that came out of World War II
Bicycle Universe – Bikes vs. Cars Energy Calculator
Daily Mail – Bicycling wrecks your prostate

The post Episode 52 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe.

Earthquakes	1651
Gossip	1022
Flowers	886
Bachelor Parties	334
See All the Problems...

Ever heard of an industry so shitty that boycotting it would make things worse? Think about that next time you buy flowers for your mom. And speaking of, happy Mother’s Day, suckers! And I didn’t even get to mention this in the episode, but the simple act of buying your wife flowers will make her think you’re cheating on her (source below).

Plus, a big announcement on my website…

Also, Dick brings in a problem that objectively deserves to be on this list. Just not higher than #11. We’re one episode away from our milestone of 52! What a fun number, just rolls off the tongue.

Thumbnail: Diego Rivera, The Flower Carrier, 1935

Sources:
US Leap – The depressing lives of flower workers
Times of India – Buying flowers for your wife? Nice try, cheater.
Psychology Today – To gossip or not to gossip? That is the stupid title.

The post Episode 51 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe.

Unexpected Guests	2165
High School Prom	1618
First-Time Child Experts	498
See All the Problems...

Big surprise this week in our Big 50th episode, and what may be the most elaborate prank Dick and I have ever experienced. We’re joined by special guest, @Asterios again. Except now he has a new nickname: The Sneaky Greek or Greek Sneak, along with his sidekick, Shifty Sean. Speaking of, here’s the brilliant “The Enemies of Twenty-Something Mega Man” series:

http://devastatorpress.com/megaman2/

And because you asked, here’s a picture of Sean:

Special thanks to Casper for sponsoring this episode, go to casper.com/biggest. It really helps us support the show, thanks to everyone who has supported our sponsors for keeping us going for 50 episodes.

The hilarious song/voicemail at the end of the episode is by @Reverend_Scott with music by Andy McKee. Make sure to listen past the closing theme song. And finally, here’s that fan art sent in by Canon Manley of drunk Dick throwing a shitty orange. You know it’s not a Cara Cara orange because I’d be right there to catch it in my mouth:

Thumbnail credit: Jack Tubbs

Sources:
New York Times – Unwanted parenting advice from strangers
Scary Mommy – Snarky response to unwanted parenting advice from actual parents to actual parents (aka, not Dick)

The post Episode 50 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe.

Wage Gap Truthers	2662
Reefer Madness	1787
Getting Too High	-71
See All the Problems...

It was 4/20 this week, which means everyone lights up and celebrates weed on the day Hitler was born. Dick makes an impassioned case for why pot should be legalized, and why people who smoke too much of it are idiots.

We also go more in-depth about the wage gap article and video I released recently. Here it is in all its debunking glory:

Here’s the Charlie Brown fan art we received from John Nikolouzos:

And this accurate piece:

And for those of you who are still blazing, here is the Sativa Sean song by Christoffer Strand.

Thumbnail credit:
Clay Rodery, Illustrator. http://www.clayrodery.com/

Sources:
Maddox – Nobody will ever read them, but all my sources are here

The post Episode 49 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe.

Obesity	2774
Bacon Worship	1916
Income Tax	881
See All the Problems...

I’ve got a stats for you. Who has two thumbs, an expensive watch and is writing this episode’s post? Dick Masterson, that’s who.

Like usual, controversy begins before the show does as we count down to a major milestone, but which one are we counting down to? 50 episodes or 1 year? Voice your opinion in the comments or by voting down monkeys.

Maddox attempts to shit himself out of the shit he stepped in with last week’s Guardians of the Galaxy problem. That problem went down harder than the Titanic. Or did it? Maybe we’ll find out in the next 30-second installment.

I bring in a timely vote grab: Income Tax. Maddox brings in some alarming stats on obesity, like that cars and trucks consume 938 million additional gallons of fuel per year transporting the weight Americans have put on since the 60s. And lastly, we invite everyone who worships at the Church of Bacon to try a bacon-wrapped go-fuck-yourself.

See you next Tuesday.

Thumbnail credit:
Jack Tubbs

Sources:
WHO – Obesity stats
CDC – Fat adolescents increased over 400% since 1980
LiveScience – Cars & Trucks consume more fuel to haul ass
National Priorities – Tax money comes in, Tax money goes out
Tax Foundation – Average worker pays over $8,000 in income tax
Whitehouse.gov – Tax Calculator, if you put in your salary and turn it upside-down, it says FUCK YOU.

The post Episode 48 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe.

Losing Your Cell Phone	1397
"Wash Me"	-699
Guardians of the Galaxy	-1948
See All the Problems...

I gave everyone blue balls by hinting that I’d bring in Guardians of the Galaxy a few episodes ago. Well it has finally come. And by it, I mean you. I shit all over the movie in this episode. I didn’t even get to all of my gripes due in part to Dick’s inexplicable love for boring superheroes like Superman.

And here’s the little dick that Dick found on his car. I wonder who drew this work of art?

Dick suggested that there was no other movie in which the good guy distracts the bad guy with dance, so I did some research. Here you go:

Stupid Austin Powers dance to destroy the “fembots:”

Lion King (thanks to listener Sayan Ban for pointing this out):

Uhura from Star Trek dancing to distract the bad guys:

Chris Tucker from Rush Hour basically only had a repertoire of dance moves (though technically this wasn’t done to distract the bad guy since his car has already been exploded):

Sources:
TV Tropes Great Escape
TV Tropes Spanner in the works
Twitter @tweet_secrete – “One of these things…” song
Picosong Full Dick BBC song

The post Episode 47 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe.

Vine Stars	1147
The BBC	-120
See All the Problems...

Big episode this week, with the most elaborate Dick vs Dick in the show’s history, going all the way back to episode 1. Also, Dick’s penchant for shitty Vine videos and his hatred of the BBC. I love the BBC and I would change my last name to BBC out of spite if I had a last name.

Here’s the picture of what I’d look like with a sumo bun.

Even when someone tries to make me look like a hipster, I look like a badass.

Sources:
IB Times Rainn Wilson drops vine star
BBC – BBC Fees
The Guardian – BBC Spendings
Wikipedia – How BBC fees are collected
Twitter – Dick’s agenda to ban the BBC

The post Episode 46 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe.

Utah	2077
Mars One	2075
Penis Injuries	1984
Loud Talkers	1826
See All the Problems...

Love overbearing governments, nothing to do and anal? Utah might be for you. Plus, Dick breaks his penis and I eat a steak with a dash of barf.

Here’s that clip from Boiler Room I mentioned in this episode:

“We could use you at a two.”

And here’s the bingo game again if you want to play along while listening:

http://nathanc.me/bpbingo

Update: The 3kHz hum has been fixed. It was filtered out and shoved up someone’s ass.

Here’s Greg Simon’s full song played this episode: “If He Could Turn Back Time: Dick vs Dick”

Sources:
Purdue Review – Defining Conservatism
Thrillist – Some of the crazy drinking laws in Utah
Harris Polls – Loud talkers ranks #2 on the list of annoyances
Medium – Mars One “Scam” and the full story

The post Episode 45 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe.

The Biggest Problem in the Universe – LIVE #4 of 4:

Vote on the problems below:

Well-Intentioned Idiots	3200
The Huffington Post	2455
Unsolicited Advice	2095
Smart Phone Fact Finding Fuckheads	-201
Kid Prison	-727
See All the Problems...

Here’s the article that this week’s problem was based on: http://thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=dancing_man Dick, the contrarian-in-chief, did his best to defend party girls. I go into a lot more detail on my website with relevant tweets and sources:

The final live episode that we recorded at YouTube Space is available here: LIVE Episode #4

Thanks to us for sponsoring this episode. Here’s a link to the bonus episode we played clips from at the top of the show: Bonus Episode 5. Also available on iTunes.

Sources:
Maddox – The Dancing Man and the Cult of Well-Intentioned Idiots
Rolling Stone – Rolling Stone article with editor’s note

The post Episode 44 + LIVE #4 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe.

The Biggest Problem in the Universe – LIVE #3 of 4:

Vote on the problems below:

Chump Syndrome	1659
Spoiler Cry Babies	1059
The Pronoun "They"	289
People Who Turn Left	-287
Having Sex In Weird Places	-1255
See All the Problems...

Spoiler alert: if you care about spoilers, you’re an idiot and your children won’t get into a good college. In this episode, I make a case for how left turns cause terrorism and Dick reminisces about his man and the Duke & Dutchess of weed. Speaking of, here are a few of those Sean memes:

Thanks to @HeroGreg

Watch LIVE Episode #3 by clicking on the link I mentioned eight words ago in this sentence. Three down, one to go.

Thumbnail credit:
Jack Tubbs

Here are the pictures of fat people made skinny from Reddit’s FatsoShop thread:

Thanks to Harry’s for sponsoring this episode. Use the code biggestproblem when checking out to save $5 off your purchase and it’ll help our show.

Here’s the dashcam footage that listener Zach Garness sent in where a car loses control and fishtails (probably turning left) while he was listening to The Biggest Problem in the Universe in the background:

And here’s Wauterboi’s song we played at the end of this episode.

Finally, Bonus Episode 5 and the great Oculus Rift debate is now available on iTunes.

Sources:
PubMed – Manuka honey shits all over Dick’s superbug problem. Maybe.
USA Today – No left turn: Companies try to save fuel as prices rise
Washington Post – The case for almost never turning left while driving
Bloomberg – UPS Makes no left turns in quest to deliver sustainability

The post Episode 43 + LIVE #3 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe.

The Biggest Problem in the Universe – LIVE #2:

Vote on the problems below:

Student Loans	2684
Fit Shaming	1839
Superbugs	1023
Hotdog Truthers	837
People Who Complain About What Others Are Doing On Social Media	-289
See All the Problems...

The backlash to “fat shaming” seems to be “fit shaming,” which is abjectly stupid. I could spend all day eating overpriced steak while standing in line at the Apple store and hammering nails into my pee-hole, and fit-shamers would still be dumber. Also, Dick doubles down on his non-theory about allergens, and doesn’t like to read NPR or any other news source.

I also get yelled at for fact-checking as a side effect of Dick’s powerful anti-fact antibodies. Despite that, I was correct about the life-expectancy rate around the turn of the century (sources below), as well as the BBC article about peanutbutter, the NPR article about the new antibiotic that kills superbugs. I’m right about everything.

Also, the Live episode #2 is live.

Easter Egg:

At the end of this episode, I went on a rant about “lucid dreaming” and mentioned an article I wrote but never posted. It’s actually available on my server, and the URL is pretty obvious if you look for it. If anyone finds the article, I’ll post it here and give you a shout-out. Well that was fast. Listener Justin Main found the article almost immediately after this episode went live. So as promised, here it is, my previously unpublished article titled: “Lucid Dreaming is a waste of time” – http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=lucid_dreaming

Thumbnail Credits:
Thanks to illustrator @sword_and_ink for the kickass thumbnail.

Here’s the picture from the Brazzers porn, “Tour of London: Part Two,” that a fan sent in to compare to my jacket from the live episode:

Thanks to Audible. Check out http://audiblepodcast.com/biggest for a free audio book download. And here’s the fit-shaming image of Maria Kang:

Sources:

NPR – The NPR article that shits all over Dick’s problem this week.

BBC – Children who started eating peanuts earlier in life had allergy levels 10 times lower than children who didn’t. So I guess it’s crazy to extend this theory to other allergens or drugs we’re exposed to, even though it applies to hot sauce, martial arts and caffeine.
Berkeley – Life expectancy by decade

Thumbnail:
Illustrator – @sword_and_ink
FDA – Petri Dish
NIAID – Bacteria

The post Episode 42 + LIVE #2 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe.

Recently Enlightened People	1382
Hay Fever	727
Bathroom Attendants	388
See All the Problems...

We are joined by a very special, fan-favorite guest this week. You asked for it, so you got it. Here’s a plug for our guest’s upcoming project:

Fans of angry rebukes of our fans should love this episode. Plus, live episode 2 coming next Tuesday, March 3rd. Also, “Guardians of the Galaxy” sucks full-time. Everyone’s an idiot except for me.

Sincerely,
-Maddox, Thought Leader

Thumbnail by:
Clay Rodery, Illustrator. http://www.clayrodery.com/

Sources:
The Telegraph – Honey includes wind-blown pollens from grass and birch trees that may help mitigate allergy symptoms.
Boring as Heck – Science for the motherfreaking win.

The post Episode 41 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe.

Vote on the problems below:

Episode 40 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster

Newscasterbation	1939
Ethnic Cleansing	1705
Other People Shitting In Your Toilet Who Are Not You	705
Nerd Culture	-198
People Who Love To Sleep	-635
See All the Problems...

First: this episode was delayed, the live episode was delayed, everything is delayed. The reason is because we ran into some technical hurdles for legal clearance because it turns out it was too awesome. It’s a bunch of technical bullshit that nobody cares about, not even us, but the episode is coming either late tonight or early tomorrow morning (Feb 18). If it doesn’t, I’ll shave Dick’s eyebrows as punishment.

The live episode is live.

This episode we hear more stupid Titanic bullshit, along with a fan-made Titanic song by Grant Mooney, which is among the worst things I’ve ever heard (up there with babies and the laughter of children). Then we hear a cool song by Jiggity Smith. And our favorite segment, “On this day in Shitstory” makes a return thanks to Boisterous Coconuts.

Sources:
WebMD.com – The risks of oversleeping, which include death, diabetes and being an idiot.
ABC News – Christiane Amanpour biography – she’s one smart cookie.

The post Episode 40 + LIVE #1 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe.

Rose Peddlers	1979
Valentine's Day	1921
Sex With The Ex	-17
Love	-1412
See All the Problems...

Ever wanted to hear somebody defend “love” on the grounds that it cures cancer? Hope you like fallacies, because Dick cites a study that does just that without controlling for variables such as increased access to insurance benefits and medical care for couples who are married.

Love increases oxytocin levels in your body, which makes you more trusting. In other words, a mark. It’s the same feeling animals get when licked, or thieves get when they plan a heist. Enjoy getting taken advantage of, suckers. As for me? I’m an unloved genius. And finally, Dick trades in all his remaining man points to defend Valentine’s Day.

Big thanks to Casper for sponsoring this episode. Here’s the picture of the box my King mattress came in. I’m genuinely impressed with the product, delivery and service:

Get $50 off any mattress by going to https://casper.com/biggest and using promo code “biggest”

Thanks to Clay Rodery for the kickass thumbnail. Send your Valentine’s Day Cupid Slaughter art to, maddox@xmission.com:

Thumbnail credits:
Clay Rodery, Illustrator – http://www.clayrodery.com/

Sources:
Psychology Today – Why love is for suckers* (*May not be actual title)
All The Tests – Compatibility test written for morons
NPR – The Dark Origins of Valentine’s Day
Statistic Brain – Depressing Valentine’s day statistics about how women send themselves flowers at work
About Flowers – According to this survey, 19% of women buy themselves flowers on Valentine’s Day. Depressing.

The post Episode 39 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe.

Ghostbusting the Patriarchy	2038
Type 2 Diabetes	1707
Black Income Disparity	1458
Automatic Hand Dryers	922
See All the Problems...

If you haven’t listened to these episodes past the outro, you’re missing out–bro. we’ve been adding extra voicemail to the end of each episode. This time a fan, Tim Johns, sent in a “spicy erotic audio book” clip called “Changing the Sheets.” It’s an erotic adventure starring yours truly, Dick and a special Boisterous cameo.

Also, prepare to be bummed out with a real problem. You idiots got what you asked for. Dick has a great problem for wrong reasons (full disclosure: opinion just expressed is not necessarily that of Dick’s), and I make a strong case for why automatic hand dryers are a bigger problem than diabetes. That is, unless you don’t think going deaf and breathing gallons of bacteria into your lungs is a problem.

Sources:
CNN – Black and White inequality stats
CNN – The stat that made Sean do a double take
Restroomdirect – Hand dryer noise levels
Tork.com – Hand dryers increase bacteria-forming colonies on hands by up to 254% according to a University of Westminster study

Edit:

Here is Tim Johns’ erotic masterpiece “Changing The Sheets” without the commentary track.

The post Episode 38 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe.

No Fun League	775
The Travel Bug	767
Overpriced Vintage Clothing	-228
See All the Problems...

We are joined by comedy writer Nathan Buckley this week. He’s written a bunch of stuff, but the pinnacle of his career may very well be writing for The Biggest Problem in the Universe: Live Show. Here’s his badass Twitter account: @duplicitron.

Also, another new “On This Day in Shitstory” by everyone’s most mysterious contributor, Boisterous Coconuts

I snuck the problem of moths into my “overpriced vintage clothing” problem. You’re welcome. Here’s the fan art by @danielwarren86 that we talked about on the show. Dick vs Dick. Who will win? My money’s on Dick:

Sources:
Dailymail.co.uk – The threat of moths ruining your life is increased by up to 75% by vintage clothing
NCRP.org – CEO of Portland’s Goodwill takes pay cut.
Wikipedia – Goodwill’s orgy of executive compensation.

Update:

Listener @CallDaCopsIDGAF made this awesome Bingo-card for this week’s episode:

The post Episode 37 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe.

Loud Muffler Douchebags	2891
Non-Porn Porn	1529
Jury Duty	608
Changing Your Sheets	-867
See All the Problems...

We don’t often do this here at The Biggest Problem in the Universe, but as a public service announcement, we feel it necessary to mention the following: your obnoxiously-loud exhaust system isn’t impressive, won’t help you get laid and sounds like shit. You don’t need to announce your small penis at 110 decibels.

Also, Dick didn’t send me any stats, so I researched it myself and found the bullshit-sounding “study” he referenced about different cars arousing men and women differently. The study was furnished by an insurance company called “Hiscox.” Sounds legit (source below). And here, for nobody’s viewing pleasure, some non-porn “space porn:”

And “bacon porn” for all you idiots who can’t simply enjoy something without calling it “porn:”

As for jury sizes being 12, it varies from country to country and can be as low as 6 in the US, while still meeting constitutional requirements.

Sources:
MoneySupermarket.com – Most common reasons people modify their cars: vanity.
Wired.com – I did Dick’s research for him and actually found this study funded by “Hiscox.”

Thumbnail credit: Jack Tubbs
Thumbnail Sources: Episode 36 Image Sources

Update:

A few fans with a good eye noticed that this thumbnail is a reference to my 2002 hatemail article:

http://maddox.xmission.com/hatemail.cgi#car

Good job, Jack Tubbs.

The post Episode 36 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe.

Manspreading Discontent	2014
Satire	-1908
See All the Problems...

In this episode, I suggest banning satire and the larger implications of terrorist ideology and Dick wants to air out his crotch. Here’s to hoping we, as a society, create a national satire registry to check all written documents for witty or sarcastic language that is used to make a point, often ironically.

Here’s the Big Boss fan art sent in by Jeremy Belcher:

Yeah I have no neck in this image, that’s because I don’t need one. Another fan, Lilly Barrera, made her own Christmas sweater based on the thumbnail I created back in Episode 32:

Lilly says, “I bought the sweater, but I knit the design into it myself. This is the first time I’ve ever knit.” First time, nailed it. This sweater will reverse the trend of ugly Christmas sweater parties and usher in a new era of sexually-arousing Christmas sweaters.

We didn’t get to it on this episode, but here’s a link to an article about how one of the first victims in the Charlie Hebdo attack was a French Muslim police officer:
Independent.co.uk: Ahmed Merabet

And finally, here is the track by wauterboi, set in an alternate universe where Dick is a man: Alternate Universe

The post Episode 35 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe.

Lesser Minds	1622
Detox Diets	1539
Hangovers	716
See All the Problems...

For our first regular episode of 2015, we cover diarrhea diets, otherwise known as “detox diets” like the “Master Cleanse” and “Fruit Flush,” which is aptly named. Dick has a hangover, so business as usual. Also, I get more petty than normal by responding very thoroughly to a long-ass criticism of my debating style.

Here are some of the sources mentioned:

Bonus Episode 3 – The great wine test
NBC News – Experts say there’s little evidence that the Master Cleanse does anything non-diarrhea related.
NPR – The body has its own detox system called your “liver” and “kidneys”
Alternet – Some detox diets produce soap in your stomach
Maddox – Side effects may include “gas with oily discharge”

And finally, this uncomfortably sexy fan art by @sword_and_ink.

Along with Maddox’s response:
“WHY AM I THE CHICK? THIS IS BULLSHIT!”

Thumbnail courtesy of: Jack Tubbs
Image sources & attributions: Credits

The post Episode 34 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe.

Made In China	1377
New Year's Resolutions	631
See All the Problems...

Want to make a New Year’s resolution? How about solving world hunger or curing cancer while you’re at it. These are all things that are about as likely to occur because people treat New Year’s resolutions like magic lamps. Also, Dick thinks the majority of products from China are inferior, yet keeps buying products from China and supports companies like Walmart. We also received some gifts from our lovely transcribers, Laurie and Megan. Plus more outrageous claims and frustration when I ask for evidence.

Here’s me bloviating from this episode:

Dick and I laughing at each other’s expense:

A reading from Cuss Control:

Sean with his butter fingers:

“What do I do with this?” Dick’s look is priceless:

And here are some of the sources mentioned:

StatisticBrain – University of Scranton Journal of Clinical Psychology
Forbes – Just 8% of people achieve their New Year’s Resolutions
USA.gov – Popular New Year’s Resolutions

The post Episode 33 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe.

Sony	1723
Buying Christmas Gifts	1324
The Whole Virgin-Birth Thing	571
Ugly Christmas Sweater Parties	382
See All the Problems...

This week, Dick doubles down on an urban legend about euthanized pets in dog food, to the tune of 200 tons per month–all without a single shred of evidence. It’s a Christmas miracle! We also discuss the difficulties that apparently only I have in buying Christmas gifts for women.

Then Dick predictably defends Sony for yielding to terrorists. Hint: it’s Obama’s fault for not installing anti-virus software. And finally, I point out the obnoxiousness of the phenomenon of “ugly Christmas sweater parties.” It’s a trendy, insincere, one-note joke that uncreative douchebags have glommed onto. So much so that the second result on Google is from people searching for “ugly Christmas sweater ideas.” What ideas are there to be had? It’s the same assembly of smug, ironic losers standing around swishing their red Solo cups, winking and nodding in self-satisfaction during their unintentionally ironic self-parodying party. And now they make this shit for dogs too, so your pet can also be in on your ironic cultural misstatement:

Here are the sources and research for this episode:
FDA – No pets in dog food
Note: Much to Dick’s insistence to the contrary, the FDA tested 74 samples of dog food for the presence of cat and dog DNA.
FDA – FDA does regulate pet food.
FDA – Within FDA, the Center for Veterinary Medicine is responsible for the regulation of animal drugs, medicated feeds, food additives and feed ingredients, including pet foods.
Dailytech – Here’s a flashback to Sony’s original DDoS debacle after screwing over their customers
Here’s GeoHot’s “fuck you” to Sony:

The Register – Sony’s bullying tactics to shut down Bleem!
The Register – Sony employs illegal attacks to disrupt file sharing networks. RIP The Pirate Bay
New York Times – Aaron Sorkin’s Opinion piece about the Sony hack and yellow journalism.

Stay tuned for info about our live show. We’ll be posting it early-to-mid January if you want to schedule a doctor’s appointment to repair your kicked ass.

The post Episode 32 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe.

Hunger	4019
Audio Engineers Deleting Podcasts	2131
Gourmet Dog Food	-59
See All the Problems...

We recorded two episodes this week, but only one will ever air. The reason? Tune in to find out. The thumbnail is a big hint.

This week Dick tries to argue that hunger is a bigger problem than gourmet dog food, and misses the irony of a society that places higher value on feeding their dogs gourmet food than feeding starving people. You can’t simultaneously argue that hunger is a problem and that spending $3.30 for “vitamin-infused mountain-spring water” for your dog isn’t.

Here are the sources mentioned in order:
Stop Hunger Now: Dick’s impartial source
NY Times: Boeuf Bourguignon Again? Pet Foods Go Gourmet
NY Times: For the Dogs’ Has a Whole New Meaning
Science Daily: Dog food goes gourmet: Nine emerging trends in pet food

And finally, on a serious note, here’s the website mentioned in the show for non-offending pedophiles: http://www.virped.org/

And for those who want to listen to the entire “This American Life” clip referenced in this show, you may do so here: Tarred and Feathered Act Two: Help Wanted

The post Episode 31 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe.

Pedophiles	2405
Goofy Lightsabers	293
Audiophiles	-316
See All the Problems...

Big episode about the two worst kind of “philes,” specifically the audio and pedo kind. This is an important episode. Especially Dick’s insight into goofy fictional swords. I’m posting all of the sources cited in this episode at the bottom of the post this time because I still think the constant stream of links peppered throughout articles are annoying and distracting.

So in order of appearance, here are the sources cited:
BBC: How Many Men are Pedophiles?
The Daily Beast: What Science Reveals About Pedophilia
Gizmodo: Audiophile Deathmatch: Monster Cables vs. a Coat Hanger
NPR: Why vinyl sounds better than CD, or not.
Vox: Vinyl’s great but it’s not better than CDs
Wikipedia: Nyquist Shannon Theorem
JSTOR: Florida State Study

And finally, here’s a great video describing why I’m right, and why everyone who thinks vinyl is a superior music format is a slope-headed, subhuman, neanderthal moron:

And in case you missed it, here’s the submission form for tickets to our first-ever live show on the 19th.

The post Episode 30 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe.

Celebrity Worship	3760
Hipsters	2056
Bro-Downs	1937
Undercooked Rice	-318
See All the Problems...

Celebrity worship has given rise to anti-vaxxer dipshits, birthers, creationists and war zealots. In other words, some of the biggest problems in the universe. Here’s an article about the psychology of celebrity stalkers as well as some of the general characteristics of Celebrity Worship Syndrome.

And here’s the classic song, “Being a dickhead is cool:”

Even NPR has done stories about The Hipsterfication of America.

If you wanted to hear the entire, uncut voicemail from Angelo’s mom, here it is:

And finally, here’s video of the bro doing his Kamehameha at the party:

Stay tuned for information about our live taping on December 19th in Los Angeles!

Update:

You can sign up for our live show using this link (or click on the image):

The post Episode 29 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe.

Airline Surcharges	3043
Not Enough Black Friday Violence	2183
Mandatory Holiday Shifts	623
Snakes	-1797
See All the Problems...

Listen up, consumer whores!

Want a federally mandated holiday off? Too bad! Even requesting a day off between November 15 and January 1st isn’t allowed in some stores. Not that it matters, because over half of consumers will be shopping online, so all these draconian slave-labor policies are moot. And the biggest horse-shit justification for all of this? Walmart thinks they’re doing you a favor, like airlines and gas stations.

Speaking of airlines, good news: their profits are up because of ancillary revenue*. To the tune of $20.4 billion dollars.

*Good news is strictly for the airlines, and not ass-hammered consumers.

And now the House has anonymously approved the “transparent airfares act,” in a move to help destroy irony for all time.

For some reason, there’s an incredibly detailed list of snake bite fatalities in the US. Specifically the preacher and his son who died while performing the miracle of mishandling a snake.

And here’s the Black Friday Death Count scoreboard. Let’s hope it hits 7 billion this year!

And finally, here are the bullshit songs Dick commissioned from someone just to gloat. I wasn’t sure what the titles of these songs were, so I named them myself:
1. Dick’s an asshole – douche guitar mix
2. Dick is a jerk store that’s open 24-hours a day that sells nothing but jerks, i.e., himself.

Update: because people asked, here’s the alternate “Snakes Are Boring” thumbnail for this episode:

The post Episode 28 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe.

Engineering Sexism	5948
Facebook	2232
Burlesque Dancers	-1
See All the Problems...

This week, Boisterous Coconuts is back! Check out The Adventures of Twenty-Something Mega Man or the Digital Cyberdemon himself on Twitter.

Here’s the article about the ways to be insufferable on Facebook. This was a big episode because there was a lot to cover, but I could have done an entire episode on Facebook alone. Lots more to come. And here’s the horse-shit outrage-porn where people are tripping over themselves to be offended at this guy’s bowling shirt that has apparently set back the civil rights movement by a decade or two.

And here’s the video of the “Problem With Facebook” I mentioned in the episode:

And finally, for reference, here’s the shirt in all its infamy:

The post Episode 27 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe.

Diamonds	2995
People Who Don't Curb Their Dogs	2192
Fake Lawns	1262
Chaise Sofas	-1558
See All the Problems...

Think you can multitask like Dick? Then you’d better plan on scraping a lot of dog shit off your shoes because people can’t multitask. If you think you can, here’s a multitasking game with an unfortunate techno soundtrack to test yourself, or take this multitasking test from the New York Times to prove how woefully inadequate you are at multitasking. I am the only exception to the rule as I wrote this paragraph, created the thumbnail for this post in Photoshop and passed the Battletoads Bike Stage with my toes all while simultaneously pleasuring a supermodel and grilling Korean pork spare ribs.

And as mentioned, here’s the article titled, Diamonds Are Bullshit. And here’s the very thorough and interesting article from The Atlantic that posits a simple question: Have You Ever Tried to Sell a Diamond?

Finally, if you have 45 minutes to kill and want to get depressed, here’s what your arbitrary diamond-fixation is costing: Blood Diamonds: The True Story [VIDEO]

The post Episode 26 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe.

Pyramid Schemes / Herbalife	3032
Pennies	1737
Cop Motorcycle Fairings	-354
Catcalling	-825
See All the Problems...

Exciting news: our first-ever BONUS EPISODE is launching tomorrow available now! Dick finally mans up and accepts my hot sauce challenge, and we have a supercut of our very first unaired pilot that we recorded over 2 years ago. I sound like I haven’t aged a day… ever. As in, I sounded just like I did when I was a baby, which is exactly how I sound today.

Here’s the NPR piece about the Problem With Pennies and the cool Coinflation.com website to see how worthless your money is.

And here’s poor Larry David getting harassed just for walking down the street:

And finally, here’s the ABC News piece I referenced on this episode:

Thanks to listener Nik Berger for the “pennies” suggestion.

Want to support our show? Special thanks to Harry’s for sponsoring this episode. Use the promo code “BIGGESTPROBLEM” (or just click on the link) for $5 off your first purchase.

The post Episode 25 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe.

Witch Alarmists	1985
People Who Don't Dress Up On Halloween	610
Not Enough Razor Blades In Candy	284
See All the Problems...

We are joined by Roger Barr, creator of I-Mockery.com and expert on all things Halloween. Check out his Twitter account at @imockery and his games here.

Here’s the first thing that comes up when you Google razor blades in candy. And against all odds, people in Priest River, Idaho are more worried about dying from Ebola than they are about dying in Priest River, Idaho.

And surprise surprise, Dick brought some stats in again this time; that’s 2 in a row! Or 2 out of 24, F. Here are the sad and disturbing statistics that 26% of people believe in witches, and the breakdown of the believers by generation. And as promised, here’s my Predator costume from Tournament of Nerds at Comic-Con:

Are you a witch? You might be, and here’s some bullshit criteria you can check. And finally, here’s a taste of the hysteria surrounding razor blades in candy.

Here’s my Tekkaman costume from Anime-Con a while back. I think I nailed it:

Here’s another with a bunch of babes who were too busy fantasizing about me and being distracted by the attention to detail in my costume to look at the camera:

And here is some nerd who was not amused when I photo-bombed his merry band of winners. He’s shooting pure daggers at me. Get over it dude, digital “film” isn’t a real commodity:

It takes a second to snap a new photo, who cares? And finally, here’s the Curb Your Enthusiasm clip I referenced in this episode:

Photo credit: Abhijit Tembhekar

Update:

Fan Antonio Piluso sent this in, “NAILED IT:”

The post Episode 24 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe.

Ebola Alarmists	2429
Meetings	1602
Snapchats of Not Tits	1315
Chatty Uber Drivers	-387
See All the Problems...

Worried about Ebola? Don’t be. Worrying about getting Ebola makes you more susceptible to getting Ebola. Here’s Why Extreme Fear Of Ebola Is Bad For Your Health. And here are some facts about how overblown the Ebola threat is, when the flu will kill more people this year. And every year.

And here’s the link to research about just how much of a time-suck meetings are.

Here’s the kickass glow-in-the-dark shirt I mentioned. Everything should glow in the dark always. I don’t know why more shit doesn’t glow in the dark. If you don’t agree, prepare to be ostracized by all of your friends and family and more importantly, me.

And finally, here’s the link to Warby Parker to support our podcast, look super cool and get free 3-day shipping. Dick snapped this photo during this episode while I was yelling about something (spoiler: everything).

Edit:
If you need more of that sweet, sweet outro, here it is: Maddox, Dick Masterson, Please Stop the Fighting by wauterboi

The post Episode 23 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe.

California Drought Dickbags	2242
Hippies	2059
See All the Problems...

Here’s the 1984 Big Brother water tattling app that you can use to usher in our impending dystopian future. Not that it matters, because 80% of our water use goes directly towards agriculture and industry, not to mention 15% of our water goes directly towards alfalfa crops. Next time you want to eat alfalfa, eat a dick instead.

And what Tuesday would be complete without a gallon or two of sweet, sweet governmental hypocrisy? Apparently council members are too important to abide by their own credo. And even though many municipalities exceeded water usage targets, it hasn’t stopped preachy hipsters from their “well, actually…” sermons. They won’t be happy until everyone stops showering.

And speaking of not showering, here’s how to be a hippie according to WikiHow. Because apparently being a judgmental, deadbeat hypocrite takes effort, and a uniform.

Photo credit: Darlin Barry, Kaz / Pixbay.

The post Episode 22 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe.

Anti-Vaxxers	7439
Toms Shoes	2472
Nut-hugging Android Fanboy Cheerleaders Who'd Rather Jerk Off Over Stats and Features in their Basement Than Talk To People in Real Life	-1163
See All the Problems...

This week we are joined by Asterios Kokkinos, very funny comedian and all-around good guy. Here’s his newly-released mini-comic, The Enemies of Twenty-Something Mega Man.

Dick has a fit about Androids this week as we learn that he doesn’t read the front page of this website because he’s too busy fellating low-level employees at an Apple “Genius” bar.

Here’s a link to the CDC Morbidity Rates I cited, as well as the Mother Jones article about the futility of trying to convince anti-vaxxers. And in case you wanted to check yourself, the most affluent neighborhoods are opting out of vaccinations. I guess it doesn’t matter because they can afford coffins. And here’s even more evidence that rich people hate vaccinations. And it’s not just rich people in Los Angeles, it’s rich people in Australia.

This week’s sponsor is Audible. Go to http://audiblepodcast.com/biggest to download a free audio book.

Photo credit: Feed My Starving Children (FMSC)

The post Episode 21 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe.

iPhone 6	2421
Transgendered MMA Fighters	2012
See All the Problems...

This week’s problems were so big, we only brought in one each.

First, here’s the Wired review of the iPhone 6 in which everything about it is hailed as “a new gold standard,” while in the same article it acknowledges that better cameras do exist, the native apps crash too frequently, the camera doesn’t always work from the lock screen, and the phone does indeed bend.

Here’s the waterproof Samsung Galaxy S5, which I don’t own, so I don’t have a horse in this race.

Also, I don’t give a shit about whether or not you switch from your stupid precious iPhones. Go ahead and run to the “genius” bar every time you need big mama Apple to do something as simple as replace your battery or wipe your ass. I prefer you idiots suffer from your bad decisions. Just shut up about your stupid iPhones already, nobody cares. Samsung, HTC and LG need to stop copying shitty iPhone features. iPhones blow.

And yes, the phones do bend. I’ve seen the Wall Street analyst tweet about how he wasn’t able to bend the phone. Apparently he’s weaker than these kids. Also, I’ve seen the flawed Consumer Reports bend-test, however their test puts pressure directly in the center of each phone they tested, not near the buttons where the phones are most susceptible to being bent while sitting in your pocket. Shut up about the shitty test already. Kids are bending the phone, game over.

Finally, thanks to Harry’s for sponsoring this episode. Use the code biggestproblem when checking out to save $5 off your purchase and it’ll help our show.

The post Episode 20 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe.

AIDS	2466
Flat Tires	1388
The Washington Redskins Controversy	-26
Fireball Cinnamon Whiskey	-956
See All the Problems...

This preview from the new season of South Park perfectly sums up the Redskins controversy:

Correction: 1 out of 6 people don’t have AIDS or HIV. The correct stat according to the CDC is:

More than 1.1 million people in the United States are living with HIV infection, and almost 1 in 6 (15.8%) are unaware of their infection. Source

The confusion on the episode comes from this shitty infographic from aids.gov because they separate the statistic with a giant image that breaks up the text. And here are the stupid conspiracy theories about the origin of AIDS if you’re in the mood for reading bullshit.

And finally, here are some articles about awesome tires that exist but we’re still not using:
A Tire That Evolves as It Wears
Reinventing the Wheel (and the Tire, Too)

Tweel photo credit

The post Episode 19 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe.

Outrage Porn	4129
Transportation Security Administration (TSA)	3149
Babies	882
See All the Problems...

This week we’re joined by bestselling author and director of marketing for American Apparel, Ryan Holiday. He shares his keen insight on the growing trend of outrage porn, or the strategies that click-bait websites use to appeal to your base emotions. Check him out on Twitter, @RyanHoliday and books on Amazon.

Here’s some incredible fan art by @acupoftim:

Website: http://www.acupoftim.com/

And if you’re in the (black) market for a baby, here’s the baby cost calculator I used. And here are some helpful tips you can follow to try to prevent your baby from suddenly dying without any appreciable cause, symptom or reason. And even then, they might still suddenly die if they don’t develop a flat spot on their head (CDC).

Update:
Listener Karmic sent in this photo in reference to Dick’s phone going off:

Baby photo credit

The post Episode 18 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe.

Nepotism	2704
Parents Television Council	2362
Shitty Passengers	1761
Jennifer Lawrence's Tits	-1669
See All the Problems...

Check out these nepotistic douchebags hiring everyone in their family for a job. The shittiest employee at every job is usually the boss’ son/daughter/nephew. So if you downvote this problem, you enjoy having shitty, inept co-workers.

Here’s the Ad Week article about the Parents Research Council losing funding, along with their attempt to regulate YouTube. And here’s the New York Times article I referenced about them trying to cancel $#*! My Dad Says.

And here’s Gawker’s hypocritical double standard about celebrity nudes. Special thanks to Angelo Vildasol for the badass king-head illustration.

Finally, we have Audible as a sponsor for our episode. Go to http://audiblepodcast.com/biggest to download a free audio book. Audible will determine whether they’ll continue sponsorship on our podcast based on how many listeners use the service. So give it a try to support this podcast. You don’t even have to create a new account because it uses Amazon to log in. Let us know what books to check out in the comments that we may discuss in a future episode.

Update:
Reader Seth Johnson sent this clip in from “A Bronx Tale:”

The post Episode 17 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe.

Game Post-Purchases	2548
Cold Lasers	2465
Game Pre-Purchases	2134
Missing Your Fantasy Football Draft	-3019
See All the Problems...

Here’s the insane amount of editions for Watch Dogs in case you give a shit about a baseball cap or a map of Chicago.

A number of people have asked about the voicemail number. We haven’t given it out on the episode because we want people to stumble upon it on the site as a little experiment. It’s not exactly hidden. You can find it if you look.

This is the part where I’d link to some studies or something, but turns out there aren’t studies about missing your Fantasy Football Draft because nobody gives a shit.

And here’s a quote from a paper about cold laser therapy from an actual health insurance company:

there is inadequate evidence of the effectiveness of cold laser therapy… Source

Not that you need them to spell it out because the list of things that it remedies is longer than the ingredients in a Big Mac.

The post Episode 16 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe.

Militarized Police	6810
Facebook Satire Tags	2930
Emoji	518
Spiderwoman's Ass	-876
See All the Problems...

Here’s an article that discusses how Facebook’s satire tag is damaging our ability to think critically.

Here’s a frankly tedious history of emoji. It’s not important to read and I don’t recommend it due to boringness, but it’s there nonetheless for people who are curious about how our language has started to devolve into hieroglyphs.

And here’s the heinous article by an LAPD cop who acknowledges that corruption and police brutality exist, yet still doesn’t want you to challenge him. The Onion did a brilliant piece about the pros and cons of militarizing our police [NOTE: THE PREVIOUS LINK IS SATIRE, WHICH MEANS THAT IT’S A HUMOROUS PIECE THAT POINTS OUT THE ABSURDITIES OF MILITARIZING THE POLICE USING SARCASM]

But most importantly, the real biggest problem this week: Spiderwoman’s ass. Read all about the controversy in this weepy post at io9.

The post Episode 15 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe.

Maddox Gets No Credit	2624
Wine Snobs	1946
People Who Can't Read Social Cues	1917
See All the Problems...

This week we are joined by special guest, The Alphabet of Manliness illustrator, Leah Tiscione: @leahtiscione

Here’s the link to the article about how wine tasting is junk science.

And here’s a quick run-down of my ABC News saga that forced them to issue an apology for being douchebags.

And finally:

The post Episode 14 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe.

Female Genital Mutilation	7348
Beats By Dre	3503
Monkey Copyrights	2200
The Death of Phone Calls	703
See All the Problems...

Here are the depressingly high stats on female genital mutilation from NPR. And here’s the personal account of Nimco Ali, a British national who got cut when she was 7 in Djibouti, Africa if you really want to bum yourself out for a few hours, or minutes depending on your tolerance for the practice of vaginal massacre.

And here’s the My Fox Chicago story about some guy who got jumped for his Beats By Dre (and was subsequently saved by his “guardian angels”).

Here’s the clip of the dumbass who got his Beats stolen. I’d say this is a good thing, but thieves are also annoying and stupid, so his beats are now in the hands of someone slightly more obnoxious:

And finally, the ZDNet review of Beats, along with Gawker’s stupid tips on how not to get your Beats stolen.

The post Episode 13 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe.

The Nuremberg Defense	3895
Hyphenated Names	1125
Anti-Cyclists	242
Too Much Swearing	-2560
See All the Problems...

Here’s the full clip and story about the dickhead Comcast employee who wouldn’t let the customer cancel.

And because I’m a man of candor, here’s the article about the extremely rare occurrence of a cyclist killing a pedestrian from the New York Times.

The argument about hyphenated names is that people who can’t make decisions eventually trickle up into positions of power in government, which causes political gridlock and an inability to compromise, hence being the Biggest Problem in the Universe. But feel free to dismiss the nuance and foresight in my argument as you shovel fries down your collective throats.

And finally, here’s the CCA, or the cuss control academy.

The post Episode 12 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe.

Slacktivists	7270
Neil deGrasse Tyson	948
Know-it-all Masseuses	0
Fries	-3219
See All the Problems...

Here’s the article about the slacktivist RED campaign so you can share my hat(RED) for it.

And the USDA stats on fry consumption with an interesting inverse correlation to the rise in obesity according to the CDC. Not that any of this matters because you morons are addicted to your shitty oil-coated starch sticks.

The post Episode 11 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe.

Drones	2800
Priests	2672
Lady Thor	318
Indignant Co-hosts	-1736
See All the Problems...

Here’s the video of the CUPID drone (more like stupid–burn for days). Can’t believe they didn’t have the foresight to go with ZEUS. Idiots.

And here’s the latest piece of shit anti-crowd drone that’s a precursor to our not-too-distant dystopian Half-Life 2 future.

And finally, here’s the note sent to us by listener @emotionallyeasy about the “indignant drivers” problem last episode:

The post Episode 10 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe.

Movie Ratings	3241
Shame Shaming	2664
Indignant Drivers	1073
Leaving Your Fly Open	-1700
See All the Problems...

Maybe it’s time we all quit telling people how they should or shouldn’t live their lives. If you believe that everyone should be allowed to live their lives how they want, that includes letting people shame others. Shame can be a powerful force for good, as Kotaku points out in an article about a cosplayer who lost weight and is now happier because of it.

And here’s one of many weepy screeds from Salon about the matter. And the oft-cited study about how fat people live longer, where everyone conveniently ignores the cause: more hospital visits.

The post Episode 9 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe.

Webby Awards	1648
Global Warming	1133
Not Enough Bartenders	568
Self-Checkout Lanes	-668
See All the Problems...

In the last episode, Dick and our audio engineer, Sean, made the claim that they could tell the difference between Diet Coke from McDonald’s and other sources. We had a test to settle the debate.

Also, before any idiot starts spouting off about how “House of Cards” deserves a Webby, it’s a show based on a 1990 UK television series that was based on a book published in 1989, eight years before the Webby Awards even existed.

As for the “stats” that Dick loathes, here’s the article on MassLive.com about how “self checkout lanes not only do not save their customers time but usually take them even more time.” And yet another article about how Albertson’s grocery store chain is also pulling their heads out of their asses. I win.

The post Episode 8 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe.

Armchair Psychologists	5719
The Movie Frozen	1274
The Resolution Race	665
Shy People / Introverts	-1599
See All the Problems...

If you want to be enraged by self-described intellects who can’t deign to spend their precious energy on you, here’s “Dr. Carmella’s” guide to understanding introverted people:

And here’s the interesting article from LiveScience.com about how introverts treat humans like inanimate objects:

The introvert’s brain treats interactions with people the same way it treats encounters with other, non-human information, such as inanimate objects… Source

And here’s the source for the 3D TV being dead clip from France 24 International News.

Photo credit: Werwin15 / Flickr

The post Episode 7 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe.

People who can't eat spicy food	3313
Non-apologies	2153
Condoms	-856
America Sucks at Soccer	-1866
See All the Problems...

Download the Episode

Here’s the article from PopSci.com that suggests love of spicy food is built into your personality and why we all need Mexican parents.

Here’s Dick’s cool racing rims bro!

And finally, the full timeline of our long, drawn-out non-apology to China. Almost two weeks of bullshit that put billions of dollars in trade and escalated the scenario into an international incident.

The post Episode 6 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe.

Conspiracy Dipshits	6423
Car Insurance	2122
Marriage	1273
Table Nazis	-1055
See All the Problems...

Download the Episode

Here’s the CBS News clip about the divorce rate going down during a recession, stupid Alex Jones predictions that didn’t happen, and the video about the Raelian Embassy:

I won’t link to the 9/11 video because it’s turbo stupid and I don’t want to spread it any more than it already has, but if you’re curious, search for “100% Proof Holographic Plane” on YouTube.

Correction: the quote I attributed to Lewis Black was actually a Louis CK quote.

The post Episode 5 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe.

Guys Who Need to Get Laid	1887
College	1859
Expensive Steak	823
Dogs	-1466
See All the Problems...

Download the Episode

The post Episode 4 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe.

Other N-words	4214
Everyone Needs to Lose 20 Pounds	949
Monkeys	17
Tesla	-3580
See All the Problems...

Download the Episode

Here’s the “bossy” campaign for thought control:

Here’s the article about the BBC banning the “G-word.”

The post Episode 3 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe.